Update

Gail talked to her transplant coordinator yesterday. He said she is at the top of the list. Yawn.

Actually, we try to ask him more questions every time we call him. This time he said there is one man on the A blood type list ahead of her on the regional list.

She asked him if they have been doing any kidney/pancreas transplants, and he said they did one a couple of weeks ago. So at least there is movement on the list.

He also said that someone got called in for a transplant that didn't work out, so they sent him home without a new kidney. As much of a drag as that would be, I kind of wouldn't mind having a trial run. It has been a long time since we talked to the transplant center about what is going to happen. My memory about the details has dimmed a little over the past 11 months.

So this is positive news. We were feeling a little jaded for the last few months, not really expecting the call. But now we are a little edgier.

We are going to a Halloween party tonight. Our plan is to dress up in hospital scrubs and go as a kidney donor and recipient. We thought about using this costume last year, but Gail was too tender to do it. This year she is up for it, so that is probably a good sign as well.

I'll try to get a picture of us in our costumes and post it.

Nightmare

The other night, Gail woke me up in the middle of the night saying that she thought her blood sugar was low, and she had had a really bad nightmare. I rationally suggested that she go in the bathroom and check her blood sugar, but she was too scared to get out of bed because "they" might get her.

I got her test kit and she was right. Her blood sugar was 42. She wasn't showing any of the normal signs (sweating, clammy, etc), so it was kind of a surprise. She ate some glucose tablets, and got her blood sugar up where it should be.

But she was still scared from her nightmare. She was too scared to tell me what she had been dreaming. I talked to her and sang her a little bit from Mendellsohn's Elijah, "He watching over Israel slumbers not, nor sleeps" (which is a comforting sort of song), and she finally got back to sleep.

The next day she told me that she had been dreaming that she was in a place where they were doing horrible horrible medical experiments on people and they were trying to get her.

Poor sweetie. Everything looks fine on the surface, but underneath it all, there is so much dread and fear roiling around.

Tired

I am tired. I am tired of Gail being on dialysis. I am tired of waiting for the call from the transplant center. I am tired of constantly having to plan around dialysis and needing to be close to San Francisco.

We called the transplant coordinator, who is very nice on the phone. He told us, again, that she is at the top of the list and the call could come any day.

They have been saying that for ten months.

We understand that it is a matter of when appropriate organs become available, and that there is nothing anyone can do about making it happen sooner. But it is still hard.

I keep a suitcase in the car with several days clothes to wear in San Francisco when she gets called. Soon I am going to have to remove the warm weather clothing and replace it with cold weather clothes. A sad way to mark the changing of the seasons.

If we haven't had the call by December 13th, it will have been a year. That will be a disturbing anniversary. I better plan something wonderful to do with her.

On the other hand, Gail's health is good, her blood tests are good, the puppies are good, and we are happy. So don't get the idea that things are morose around here. All we have to do is play with the pups for a while, and everything is better! (but I'm still tired).